


The Axe Diary postwar edition

by selenium02



Category: Dota 2
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-05 15:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21210833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selenium02/pseuds/selenium02
Summary: Axe postwar diary





	1. Its all started here

Hi , I am Axe. Just Axe? NO. My name is Mogul Khan but people prefer calling me Axe. Damn these people with their Keen-sized brain , can't even remember the name of The Ultimate Axe!

To know more about me, you can read it in the Dota2 wiki.What i am writing now is my post-war autobiography.

Yes , post-war. You heard it right postwar.Hard to believe that this war of the ancients had finally ended. I remembered the times where people complained or praised the endless carnage of Axe and Blood . Axe charges! Good Axe time.

Basically,the Direstone joined back with Radiant Ore just like how my axe kisses someone to formed back the Mad Moon.No idea why it happened or how it happend. Some magic , i guess.

Hey , im smart but just not smart enough.All I know is a Fishbowl head guy was behind all these fishy businesses.

Zet, if you are reading this , I just wanna let you know...I am not sorry for calling you all these bad names all along. What ? You expecting an apology from me? ME? The Axe?

If you have a problem with it , I dare you to tell it to me face to face without your stupid fishbowl helmet.

Man , writing is hard and tiring . I sweared I rather farm some lane creeps. Equipped with nothing but a stout shield , I backdoored the creep waves . Used to prefer two stouts shields but that is another story for another time.

Skritch.Skritch.The sound of moving pencil.Sound so familiar yet foreign . Maybe because its me who is doing the writing.I miss Goodkind.

Im sleepy. Nite .

I miss my Axe life.


	2. Axe's hospital stay

So , what make me write a diary ? Its money . I heard dota2 autobiography can sell for a fortune , so I'm writing one.

Was thinking of hiring another writer or bard but I'm out of cash. Grr cash.

Currently i'm writing on a hospital bed , in a shared room .But i am the only patient in this room thou, love the free privacy.

Broke my leg during work and the insurance barely covered it.The place here is a remote countryside where mana are scare so no convenience healing magic...And a city is too far away, along with high ambulance fees. You get the gist of it.

I hated how war veterans like us do not have pension money ...Nobody thought about it cause its suppose to be a neverending war.Nobody really think about what comes after a neverending war. THERE'S A REASON ITS CALLED A NEVERENDING WAR! ITS NOT SUPPOSE TO END. GŔRRR AXE ATTACKS!

and BAM! Guess what did i broke. Its the hospital over bed table and somehow my pen survived.Hmm which hand did I slammed the table with?

A few nurses rushed towards me and shouted different stuffs.

"Red mad man on the looose!"

"Red brute ...tranquilizer fast..."

Drowsy...

That marks the end of another day.Apparently i had been famous around here for my good temper that my shared room became a private one.

Note:Daisy is the one that tranquilize me , must remember to take revenge.

By the way the table cost me 60 golds.


	3. Axeing? Silencer X AM

I know my writing sucks but I still think its axeing good. So good that i know how to create my own words. AXEING!

I wonder is Axe a copyrighted word? Can I copyright it? Should I try to charge or sue Troll Warlord for using my name as his skill. Noob swirling axes , so useless that the only thing good thing about it is the word axe. Oh wait , the war is already over...

A moment of silence...for my unreliable golds. Does silencer has many moments of silence ? I bet he does , come on the guy literally called himself Silencer.

Moment of silence whenever someone cast a spell.I remember how I always miss my Blink and Call combo cause of him, making a fool out of Axe.

SILENCE! The ulti skill sound effect still can echoes freshly in my head as I am writing this.As fresh as my poop that i just defecated out few minutes ago. So annoying that I wish those spell-casting bullies should have killed Silencer . Instead of creating a toy , they created a gay buddy for Antimage.

Yes , both of them a gay couple . Through the hate of magic and the love of spell-less world, they copulating in the jungle.

You know something is fishy when safe carry and hard support never leave their lanes. Antimage spent the whole war in the jungle while Silencer baby-sitting him.Staring each other with passionate eyes and farming golds together.Never help in team fight.

I bet both of them are still farming in the jungle even after the war. That is what I called NEVERENDING just like those annoying robo-calls.

Axeing is an Axesome word.

Note:Silencer still own me some intelligence points. Axe is still smart.

Note2:There's a rumor that Daisy had transferred to another hospital.


	4. Timberaxe ! >timbersaw

Nothing special happened today.

Gonna rant about my past jobs.After the war, I was working as a lumberjack. Well , Axe is good with ...axe!

Guess who is my new coworker. Yes , its freaking Timbersaw. Hes the company's best worker but all he did was taking his job too personal.

" I'm not a lumberjack. This. This is personal." Timbersaw proclaimed everyday before starting his work. Its more like a routine ceremonial declaration of weird affection to the trees.

Its was an intense rivalry of strength and speed between axe and saw. Timersaw was cutting trees like slicing cheese...while my axe...my axe...If only trees fight back like treants , my Counter Helix could have cut those trees as easily too.

Just for the record, Im still stronger than him. Timbersaw is just a keen sitting in a saw machine.

Hes a coward that wont leave his shithole armor no whether what . He poops in it ,baths in it, has sex in it etc. He cut down all the trees so that the sawdust covered the scent of his smelly suit.

Chop chop chop chop chop chop chop! Cut cut cutcutcutcutcut...GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Working with Timbersaw is detrimental to your mental health.Mark Axe's word. Prolonged exposure to Timbersaw's rant will make your vocabulary reduced to only two.Cut and chop .Why use these words on trees.Such a waste of good words. Should use it on creeps or meat. I sounded like Pudge for a second.

My last day of work as lumberjack was a fistful one.That day started with me doing my job peacefully.As usual , Timbersaw acting up again but this time its different , he bumped into me . He freaking bumped into the Ultimate Axe. THE ULTIMATE AXE!

I had enough ! My temper had reached its limit and I decided to have a fight with Timbersaw. I had finally gone out of patience and Axe's patience are not cheap.

I leaped and take-downed Timbersaw to the ground and punched him non-stop. With my Red Axe Fists , Im proudly dealing no damage to Timbersaw.

Timbersaw as usual hid inside his dome.Reactive armor gaining stack as I punched him ,making his dome tougher and stronger.

Pam pam pam pam , sound of my fists meeting his metallic armor while I was riding on top of him. My wisdom reminded myself not to do punch him continuously but I was overtaken by my anger!

Timbersaw timber chained to the nearest tree ,throwing me down to the ground.While I tried to get up , the timber-chained tree fell down and broke my legs. The end.


	5. Missing Goodkind

Just for the historical accuracy , I only broke my leg . I did not lose to Timbersaw , its a draw at most .If you doubt me , i would like to draw you out and punch you.

Man Axe pun is drawing good. Now I would like to have a drawer to draw a comic of me...or at least the book cover.

Draw me majestically and paint me bright red, along with my sexy masculine muscles line and clenched fists.

I would like to thank Goodkind for teaching me how to read and write. I was good in it but Goodkind improved me.

When I joined the war , Goodkind joined the commentators , spreading news of glory and bloodsheds . Screaming rampages and taunting noobs . Calling out names and blaming toxicity. Its the pinnacle of literature.

After the war , Goodkind continued to write tales of the War of the Ancient. Writing the wonders of heroes and their battles , earning heaps and heaps of golds that inspired me to write my own book.

My book may not be fancy or magical but it was written by my very bare strong hands.A book written by the Ultimate AXE!

I miss you Goodkind. I miss those adventures that we been through together.I miss the money you brought in using my tales. My tales of storming castle , slaying armies , dethroning kings and raiding treasure room.

Goodkind , if you reading this . Please comeback , with your pen and my axe , we shall once again create more tales and filling money bags.

By the way , Goodkind own a publishing company now with net worth as high as The International prize pool . So , I will try my luck or put our friendship to the test to publish my own book .


	6. Axe Unleashed

Lost,alone, and without my precious namesake in a strange land...Axe is exactly where he wants to be! My fists!Im just being sarcastic. There's noone but Axe here.

The story I am going to tell you guys next happened during my long break from the War of the Ancients.It was also during this time that I learned some herbal remedies while roaming naked in the jungle.

Bright stars shined through the jungle night , with no knowledge of astrology , I was lost in a sea of trees.

"There are trees everywhere!"-Timbersaw.

Alone, I was fiĺled with boredom and fulled of emptiness. Im surprised that I am able to use full and empty in the same sentence. Mind... started to play trick on me , monologuing to keep myself company.

Days after days of running around without a real course of direction.Never stop searching for a way out , only stop for rest and meal time.

Fruits were abundant in nature , mostly tropical fruits like banana , mango , tango etc .Random combination of food in my mouth and through trials and errors , I learned some medicine. Medicine is not that hard after all.

Behold, Axe Special Mix Bottle with three parts tangoes , one mango and my spit will heal you some mana and hp...Recipe for sales...Lets move on.

Whenever I would like some meats , I will catch some frogs, hunt bats , chase squirrels and fish carps. No medicine is created using meat though but they do satisfy my taste buds .Hmm no big games to satisfy my fists.

Along the way , I lost track of time. Lost my armor through the harsh humid hot weather.Well I stripped them off . Lost my clothes through the sharp branches of shrubs. Lost my axe to the ... carelessness and forgetfulness of mine. Irony of Axe losing his axe.

Wandering naked , my masculine body shine just like a glossy red Queen of Pain's lips. But even the best can be boring after repetition of the it. So I started to decorated myself with war paint .

Marked myself with runes that had no meaning or any functionality. Painted myself , literally, on my own body with either black or gold .

I did use other colors occasionally like yellow , blue etc. Red can barely be seen on my red skin so those red lipstick marks are not obvious on me.


	7. Axe Unleashed 2

Free like a flying courier , naked except for a piece of tango leaf , I am still lost like a Dota2 beginner. 

I miss civilization no whether how toxic it is. I miss the wonder of Mini Map , Portal Scroll and Boots of travel ....to get me out of this jungle.

God , what have I done wrong to deserve this punishment of solitude.This is as bad as Low Priority. God please help me.

Suddenly, a single bolt of lightning stroked me from above . This jolting feeling...so familiar...

"Your prayer,answered." A deep voice echoed through the sky.

"You might have been a fancyman in Heaven, but down here you are nothing next to Axe!" I always hated this big ego guy.

"Your prayers are answered." Zeus descended from his cloud and landed in front of me.

"Thunder's Wrath , that's how you manage to find me.So what you want? I don't believe a half god will seek me out of entertainment."

"I am a FULL god.Come to my team. We need a tank."

“Axe is ready!" My body filled with excitement .Finally some actions after long time of celibacy.

"Cool, there is some time on our journey back , we should start talking and talking about myself. A divorce of the ages .I'm sure you've heard of it ....


	8. Keen laptop

Goodwill rejected my book , she said my tales of postwar diary is too generic. Apparently, many other heroes are writing them. Dang it Axe's idea is so good that so many people are stealing it.

But , fear not . Goodwill had gave me an idea. Goodwill suggested to me that I can post my diaries on the Broodnet. It is a Keen laptop network providing a lot of stuffs and communication services, consisting of connecting networks using Broodmother's web , Keen technology and electricity.

This time I am gonna talk briefly about the Keen technology.After the war, the Keen had slow down the development of firearm and weaponry, they shift their focus to this thing called Broodnet and the laptop.

First,The electronics parts were developed by Tinker , the battery and charger were developed by Clockwerk. I heard it work similarly to his power cogs. Then there's cables that developed by Broodmother's web. Web act as protective layer of some metal. New materials concocted by Razzil the alchemist.I am surprised that Tinker and Alchemist can work together despite Tinker always believe that alchemy is an illegitimate science, and thinks Razzil is a loon for practicing it.

About those plastics that made from petroleum , Batrider is supplying them. According to rumors , Batrider have some oil wells near his hometown ,Yama Raskav Jungle. It is also the source of his sticky napalm. Here's another rumors , napalm is made from gelling agent and volatile petrochemical. Guess what is used as the gelling agent. Here's a hint , it had something to do with Bristleback. The answer- Viscous Nasal Goo , his disgusting snot. 

There is also the wireless communication technology based off Techies's remote mines. Programming is done by Tiny , he named the program Tinysoft. This whole thing is too complicated for Axe's brain. Axe kinda mad that nobody invited him into this million gold business.

By the wat, I had posted my diary to ko-fe.com/selenium and patron.com/selenium. These two are friendly multiverse interlinked websites.Please support Axe! As much as I hated Keen , I can't deny that they are very convenience, Just like how I hunt and farm off the Keen for extra bit of golds during the War of the Ancients. Maybe I should rob them.


End file.
